Our story begins with a series of seemingly unconnected murders. After the violent deaths of gangster Porly Avarvous and pop sensation Johnny Chastity, Chief T. Quim of the LAPD and his best detective, Stimple Magillacutty, are left praying for a miracle.
Has that miracle happened when a mysterious old man appears at the station claiming to be ex-police-chief Luke Kirk. He speaks of Chastity and Spendlove, two legendary detectives that could save the city. They were the cities great heroes but left for London to pursue consumer affairs and then eventually a hugely successful pop career. However, they went missing five years ago after their band was torn apart by artistic differences and substance abuse.
When MacGillacutty's gay lover is shot down in cold blood, and the chief's mother has been called one-too-many names, the mysterious old man is sent on a quest to find the city's erstwhile heroes and restore them to their former glory. Kirk uses his special mystical powers to transport himself great distances instantly.
When Kirk finally catches up with Chastity & Spendlove they are drunk and homeless in England. Despite reminding them of the good old days Kirk is unable to convince them to come back and so returns alone. On his return he miscalculates his coordinates and appears in crime lord Saphron Lieberman's home. Kirk comes face to face with Liebermans evil lunatic right hand man, French Fries
Meanwhile, criminal genius Saphron Lieberman is causing havoc by staging a full-scale petty-crime assault on the city executed by his lethal new henchman, Eight Ball.
Back in England Chastity and Spendlove come to their senses and employ the asylum seeking Russian Joey Kingsmill as a personal trainer to get them fit again. Before long they are back to their best and on their way back to LA.
On arrival in LA Chastity and Spendlove fill Chief Quim in on the details of their disappearance. He immediately puts them back on the force and gives them the task of getting to the bottom of the petty crime sweeping the city.

First stop for the newly instated detectives is Fat Joey Sponge's Tapas Bar. Fat Joey has all the answers but won't accept any payment other than song. To get the information they need Chastity and Spendlove have to take the stage to perform the Dean Friedman classic 'Lucky Stars'.
With a tip off from Fat Joey Sponge, Chastity and Spendlove locate Eight Ball and force him to tell them who is behind the wave of petty crime. Just before he is crushed under a train Eight Ball reveals the address of his employer.
As Chastity and Spendlove follow the lead to the boss' address they discover he has just moved house. Despite beating the current occupant to within an inch of his life by mistake he helps Chastity and Spendlove by giving them a box of junk the previous occupant had left. Among the incriminating evidence including Luke Kirk's bloody helmet they find a car registration document registered to one Francis Fries.
Back at the station Chief Quim runs a search on the registration document only to come to a dead end. Apart from the registration plate and the make and model they have nothing. Upset they have no more leads left to follow Chief Quim declares the case closed and invites Chastity and Spendlove out for a meal. They plan to meet up with Magillacutty.
Meanwhile Saphron Lieberman is also out having lunch with French Fries plotting his next move.
On the way to the meal Chastity and Spendlove and the Chief stumble across Lieberman and French Fries by what must be pure coincidence. Quim is shot and a dramatic car chase ensues.
With Lieberman and French Fries being pursued by Chastity and Spendlove the four men head towards destiny and death.